I Am Dick Rectum

As promised I will now delve into the alter-persona that is Dick Rectum. In this we will learn about his childhood, his emerging as a real person, and how he fits in with my life now. No, I am not schizophrenic, nor do I suffer from multiple personality disorder. I just have an alter ego that I use to be what I can not. The name, as I am sure you can realize, is nothing more than a play on my name Dexx Rector. All my life I have heard the 'rectum' jokes and 'Dexter's Lab' jokes. They were not funny then, still not funny now. What I did however was learn to adapt to it. Realized that even though people thought they were belittling me, all they were really doing was giving me attention, and who does not love attention? Some people prefer positive attention like being told good job on something. For me it does not matter. Attention is attention. I learned how to make comebacks, even though sometimes they were not that funny (after the restraining order I got from a few comedians I decided to write my own material). I still made an effort. I never bought the psycho talk of if you ignore them they will leave you alone. Wrong! In my experience if you ignore them it makes them upset because they need the attention that you give them by cowering in fear or whatever you did, so they kept coming and I kept verbalizing. I have only been in one physical altercation in my entire life, which is interesting because I have had numerous people tell me given the chance they would really like to beat my ass.

This brings us to kinda the fruition of Dick. There are two halves to me, and everyone else in my opinion. One side is Dexx, the sweet, soft-hearted guy who tells you things to make you feel better. Then there is Dick, the guy who does not care if he hurts your feelings or not, if he gets a response that is all that matters. Everyone has met Dexx at somepoint or time, and only a few have ever had the pleasure of meeting Dick. Now where did Dick become apparent? That would be high school, the land of mistaken identities. I was in a performing group, we were very good, and we received praise for it. This is yet again attention that I so love to have. Now one of the members of the group noticed that my head is in the shape of the male reproductive organ, let us call it 'penis' for short. I for one have never seen the resemblance, but whatever attention is attention. From being the human penis I became Dick Rectum. People think they were so clever. What they failed to realize was that they gave a name to my narcissistic persona.

Now it was an internal conflict of epic proportions between Dexx/Dick for dominance. It could be seen when I would be nice and sweet to someone, and then turn around and insult them. It was new to me. Did not quite understand what it was that was happening. We tried to work out our differences, to become more a peace with each other, but Dick is stubborn.

We moved to South Carolina, where we were given a fresh start. Nobody knew me, or my egotistical half. Shortly after arriving in SC I got a job, and shortly upon having that job I got a promotion. Ego boost. Dick could taste the sweet nectar of power. Tried to squander his thirst for more power, but it was inevitable. Dick made it to SC. Here though he was more beneficial. He took no crap from people, and people respected him more for it, so it is not a bad thing. Relationship wise Dick sucks. He is very much a cynic towards it. Dexx on the other hand is actually more of a hopeless romantic. He believes that love is out there, not necessarily one true person, but someone who can make him happy for the rest of his life. The problem is is that Dick tries to intervene in relationships, if they are going okay then it is time to severe the attachment. Dick is afraid of being hurt. Dexx was hurt, and it was up to Dick to keep him from giving up totally, so now Dick is more of a lookout for Dexx.

But because of Dick, Dexx is able to live his life now knowing that there are two sides of him, and yes sometimes Dick shows up unannounced and unwelcome, but he is still there. I tell you all this to let you know something. I have grown up being ridiculed and made fun of, so at 24 years old it does not bother me. It did not bother me in high school, and it did not bother me before that. I was not put on this Earth to make others like me. I feel as though they should like me, I am very easy to get along with, for the most part. I do sometimes come across as a prick, but that is Dick making sure that Dexx knows he is looking out for him. Dexx never wishes ill will towards anyone. He is capable of a great capacity of love. That is why he can tell strangers that he loves them. He does, but I digress. I was put on this Earth to help people find their happiness, and from that I find happiness. But it needs to be known that my friends are the most important people to me, and if they are hurt emotionally, physically, or mentally, the person responsible will face retribution from Dick Rectum, and he can be somewhat construed as a sociopath. He feels no guilt or remorse for his actions. No he will not kill anyone because he shares a brain with Dexx, and Dexx will not allow for such horid violence. Dick, however, is more than willing to attack the mind, and finds that it is more beneficial and satisfactory than a physical attack. So make sure you remember that the next time you make one of my close, dear friends upset. This is not a threat, nor a promise, but a guarantee.

As earlier stated this is not meant to worry anyone. I am not mentally insane. I do not hear voices, nor do I have moments of forgetfulness where I do something that I do not remember. That is kinda redundant. I am able to rationalize everything I do. Dick is here to do the thing Dexx will not do, and that is actually defend people. Dexx believes in the underdog, but lacks the cajones to actually do it. I hope that anyone reads this does not feel as though I am unapproachable. If you want to know where you and I stand as far as friends then just ask me. I will have no problem telling you, and I will be completely honest with you.

Thank you for your time. Next time...I have no idea what we will discuss next time.

PS Dick is the more sarcastic side, that is the reason why I sign the blogs as Dick Rectum. If I ever write a poem or a lymric then I will sign it as Dexx.

Dick Rectum/Dexx Rector

The Water in Tijuana is Better Than the Water in America

Okay, I have been really quiet about the entire oil spill crisis in the Gulf because I do not care. Shit happens, and there is no need to sit and worry about it. We can not change what happened, so let us just figure out a way to fix it.

Now we have a 'leader', and I use the title loosely, that spent 2 days in the Gulf assessing the damamge. How can you assess that damage in 2 days? It can not be done. Then to go sit in your nice office and not even give a real plan, but to encourage the American people to become less dependent on fossil fuels. Hello? We do not have a choice anymore! We got England spilling black gold in our already nasty Gulf water. Sorry, but I have been there and it is not pretty with or without the oil. I think the American people would buy more of the malarkey the President is selling if I do not know maybe did his press release in the area of the Gulf? People in DC are not being affected by it in the way the people down South are being affected.

The politicians are being affected by bills not being passed or not being able to order that nice seafood platter at Red Lobster. The people are being affected by job loss from not being able to fish, local businesses are losing fish sales, and the obese people are turning to even fatter foods because us fatties eat when we freak out. It is a dangerous cycle, and something I will discuss later.

The coolest thing Obama has done so far in regards to this crisis is say 'ass to kick', but even then those to me are just air. He is a politician and he has to have certain poise and demeanor. He can not actually do what he said he would like. I say boooooooooooo on that.

I also have a solution on how they can 'pay' for what they did. They owe us big time for screwing with our Spring Break location, so they need to pay up big bucks. Now we have two options here: 1) We can take the money they have to pay us for damaging the ecosystem and use it to get ourselves out of debt as a nation,
2) The government sends out a check to the people who do not have private airlines and chauffers to drive us around to pay for gas for a year, and then also send some to the business owners and families that make their living off of fishing to help them out.

In my opinion those are the only two solutions for retribution, maybe we can all go to England and piss in the English Channel, but will they really care?

I thank anyone who actually took the time out of their busy and exciting day to read this rambling.

Dick Rectum

Soon I will explain the meaning of the name too

Who Am I?

It is a universal question that at some point or another we look in the mirror and ask ourselves. I sit and I look around at people and their lives, and know that nothing is perfect in it. I then wonder what can I do to shake things up for them? What can I do to make them find their answer to their question? I have no answer for the question myself. I have been a senior old lady, a single mother, a socially awkward teen, a knight in shining armor, and sadly these are just people I play to get what I want out of people. I consider myself an honest person. I can tell you that I enjoy playing mind games. I find nothing more satisfying than starting a mind game with someone and then winning it. I have only lost one time in the 7 years I have been playing them. This does not mean that everyone I come into contact with will become a pawn in my mental chess game. I target people. People that brag about how happy they really are and crap like that. To me that is a challenge, and one that I am usually willing to accept. Now there are some stipulations that prevent me from doing anything. I will not say what they are. I will admit that the fact I am so comfortable with playing mind games and lying to people is not a good thing, but it is what I do and I do do it very well. This is the ugliest thing about me. I am still the same person I was years ago when someone needed something I will do anything in my power to help them out. Maybe this is why I can do what I do with no conviction because half the time I feel as though it is helping someone. I am not sure. Maybe someday I will find a reason to stop the games and just enjoy life, but I doubt it. This is the first blog I have ever written and is actually not done the way I usually feel about things. I usually approach things with a cynical and smart-alecky attitude. So expect further post to have more comedic themes to them, or atleast comedic tones.

Dick Rectum